When you have been through something life changing, something you wished you never had to experience in your life, which most of us have, it changes you. It changes you to the extent that you will never be the person you were before, before it happened.
Experiencing an abusive relationship causes so much damage,to yourself and the people around you. For me it was self doubt, no self worth, broken relationships with my family and friends for having put them through the experience and for actually thinking you could help someone like that. Well you can’t! I learnt that the hard way, while it happened.
I’m not going to go into detail about that time, but I will tell you how I got myself back and how I look at the positive side, because if this didn’t happen I would not be where I am today. And I’m pretty happy about where I am right now, after it happened.
I moved back in with my parents for 12 months and worked on building back my relationships with my Mum & Papa, Brother & Sister & the extended family. It was actually pretty horrible to have my siblings not want to associate with me, this actually contributed to me doubting myself and feeling unworthy. But I had to face the reality that I hurt them. Sometimes I wished that they would have just hugged me a said let’s get on with it together, we are here to help you, especially as they know that I’m the type of person that always want to help people. My friends, in particular my besties, were easier to connect with during this time and it was effortless to have them understand and be there for me, as best friends are. I can never thank them enough for the bond we share as friends, as true friends are hard to find these days.
During these 12 months I suffered often from anxiety attacks. Convenient that mum was always around when this would happen and she would just hold me, hold me tight. It was all I needed to calm down. I had one on one counselling sessions and also joined a local group session for women that had experienced or even still in an abusive relationship. Being apart of these sessions, talking and listening really assisted in my recovery process. I will never actually understand how someone that is meant is to love you could do such things, but I understand that it was not my fault and you can not help everyone, we can only help themselves. And that is what I decided to do for myself, help myself!
I continued my sessions until I felt confident to step out alone, no longer feeling scared or anxious. I changed career and became a Flight Attendant. I moved back out of home and began to get my independence back. I gained a new friendship through work, another bestie. He is actually the male version of my female bestie. they are so alike it’s scary sometimes. These beautiful people in my life are apart of my family and they, through their support and encouragement, contributed to getting my confidence and self worth back. They brought out the fun times again, the genuine moments you share in relationships to make memories. This helped with my family bond too, but I still felt and even today, I still feel I let them down. I know I will always feel this way but I put it in my back pocket and I get on with it.
I progressed quite fast at work, Flight Attendant to Cabin Manager and then to Line Trainer and checker within 3 years. This gave me courage, contentment and belief. I felt worthy again, a sense of accomplishment and I was getting rewarded for my hard work. It was awesome to be motivating and coaching others, something I’m so passionate about. Helping other’s! I’d go out again here and there, enjoying time with friends and family. It was awesome to get out and let my hair down, socialise, meet new people and just simply have fun.
Started dating, interesting how things have changed. Pretty horrible that the dating scene has become a choice of a picture of someone and communication via text. What happened to conversation, getting to know someone face to face and using our sensor’s of touch, scent and looking into someones eyes….really seeing all of them to know if there is a connection or not. I gave up pretty quickly and made the decision to focus on myself, I can compliment myself. But how would I do this?
I felt alone, something was missing and I felt I had no purpose and nothing or no one to support. Yes I have a wonderful family and I’m so lucky to have them. My small group of friends that I consider as family are just amazing humans. But they’re off creating their own families, people to look after and people to look after them. How can I have this? Well I have ME and I’ll support ME. This is when I made the decision to completely change my lifestyle, to get healthy, fit and strong. I was not going to let anyone break me down again.
To do this I had to choose a positive mindset, I had to commit, be consistent and work hard. That I did! I gained so much physical and mental strength, my progress became addictive. I began to nourish my body with plenty of good nutritious food, which ensured I fuelled my body according to my training and what physique I wanted to achieve. I learnt so much about clean eating that I began a little home hobby of making “super clean treats”. I was supporting and encouraging others in the gym, as they were also supporting and encouraging me to be the best version of myself. I was creating a family, a new lifestyle, something to be proud of, something that gave me purpose, something I could support and could support me.
This all gave me a reason to be fully content with my life again. I can achieve anything I set my mind too. I can be just as strong as the person next to me. I can feel good about myself. I can step outside my head and push to another level. I can transform myself physically and mentally. I can motivate others. I can help others. I can let others help me. I can be happy, healthy and I have purpose.
I discovered my potential! And I will continue to push this potential because I will never settle for anything less.
Do You. For You. #doyouforyou